2008, Saturday morning, The Trapeze Swinger played on the cd player. I stretched and squealed in total excitement for my first day off in a long while. I had just started my PA career and worked Monday through Friday at a big, fancy Endocrinology office where we saw everyone including celebrities and billionaires, then Saturday and Sunday morning at a small, rural Family Practice clinic. A day off was a slice of heaven on a blisscuit, the great refresher, a grand exhale. I was 7 months into my profession, when a new opportunity found me. An urgent care, 3 days a week, 11-12 hour shifts, underserved, rural community. It would mean returning to Seton, the same organization my dad worked for in Chicago. He would be so proud.

And so started the “healers hop”. The jump from clinic to clinic to ‘find’ my soul’s true calling. Endo, urgent care, children’s caravan, pediatric night clinic, dysmenorrhea research, clinical director, internal medicine, ER, family practice, health coach, wellness entrepreneur, medical journal author back to urgent care. Finally a small town recruited me for a hospitalist job. Seven days on, seven days off. They kombucha’d and dined me.

It was seductive and exciting. A whole new set of tools to add to my Western medicine toolkit working for a big, reputable hospital system. It looked good on paper. I was already deep into holistic medicine, returning to the roots of those who came before me. I was studying with a medicine woman, I was a yoga and meditation teacher and had a solid practice of my own. I had just returned from Germany studying Anthroposophic Medicine. I wanted to take the job for many reasons, but my soul wouldn’t let me.

I let it go. I let it all go. My profession, my career, my position, my ‘expertise’ and embarked on what felt more aligned with my soul. Leaving the stability, the consistency, the status of medicine, the greatest of job securities, especially at this time, was scary as hell.

And I also knew my soul would never steer me wrong.

I finally jumped off the ferris wheel of life that I had been conditioned to believe was the way for me. Do, do, do, succeed, succeed, succeed. Build that resume, climb that ladder, get those promotions, grow that retirement, buy that house, drive that car, work for THOSE organizations, show off that status. You Have Made IT.

And with IT came anxiety, worry, panic, a scarcity mindset, waiting for the other shoe to drop, competition, fear, disconnection, drugs, alcohol, recklessness, anger, frustration, confusion and status quo living with the occasional sense of peace and flow.

2020, Monday morning, The Trapeze Swinger played on my bluetooth speaker. Me, laying on my husband head nuzzled in his armpit, him resting peacefully. A wake up call from the pitter patter of our child of the universe, the M Sol. We woke slowly, did some morning yoga, some restorative rest on our buckwheat pillows, created a delicious breakfast, played, read, just being with each other and for a few hours, just being with ourselves. What will we ‘do’ today? Pick up a birthday cake made with love from our loved ones. Sing some birthday songs. Eat, nap, dance, talk, read. Maybe J will go hit some balls. Maybe I’ll do some writing.

We’re the flow family. It took us a few decades to get here and we’re still a work (a rest) in progress, but we’re learning and unlearning.

I talk a lot about our society shifting from the human doing to the human being. From sympathetic to parasympathetic. From hustle and grind to rest and restore. From doing when forced or assigned to action when inspired and aligned. From scheduled times and long-term goals to when it comes up and whenever it flows. From taking a vacation from life to life is one long vacation. From partying on certain days to every day is a celebration and sometimes that party just means rest all day long.

I’ve had many people challenge me on this shift. They say that this more chill life, if one wishes it, is only for a select few. That some people do not have a choice. And if you believe that to be the case, you will create that reality. That’s the scarcity mindset that dominates our current culture. It’s a dying mindset and may still be thick in the collective. I was part of that and somedays I fall back into believing that only some people ‘get’ to have it this easy breezy. When the reality is that the universe is an abundant place and ease, flow, fun, play, peace, calm, rest, human being is our birthright.

I’ve learned it from Inner Voices aka souls of people who just lost their job, from 75 year olds, from mama’s living in fear-mode, from once homeless folks, from immigrants, from budding artists and from my own.

They all say the SAME thing:

I am safe, I am loved, I am allowed. We are here to have fun, to flow, to play, to rest, to follow those feelings of goodness, connection, freedom and love. Success is in the joy, in the laughter, in the peace and in the knowing. Everything you need will be provided. ‘Love is the new money’ and it will always come as long as you’re being true to you, following your bliss, keeping the vibe high and the trust higher.

This is still one of most resonant IV’s:

Fly high, sweet one. Turn off the screens and tune into me. Those big dreams, those little ones and all the wishes in between, they’re right here, just waiting to be picked from the tree of me.

And that’s where I am today. After a lifetime of human doing, I’m finally getting the hang of this human being. Tell me about your journey. I bet it is a masterpiece just waiting to be painted.