From midwife clinics, ER’s to Urgent Care centers and mobile clinics, I was the go-to PA, the hero, the healer, the disease problem solver and the one everyone asked for advice when it came to the human body. It was ego-boosting and fulfilling. It felt good to be the authority of my circle and the one with the medicine. But after devoting years to this field, I started realizing that there is something integral missing in healthcare.
I started off, as many do, with a mission to change the world through medicine. All I had to do was follow the laid out path of the Medicine field- the outside world as my compass. But after about 5 years as a PA, I learned there was more to pills, shots and surgery and just maintaining the status quo of disease. The mind-body-spirit-soul connection played a massive part in healing, but I wasn’t sure how to deliver that to my patients.
My prescriptions weren’t the end all be all of health or healing, it was just outside noise that worked as bandaids for a time...
“Healer heal thyself” echoed in my mind constantly throughout my 13 years as a PA. I explored all the modalities that I could access within. I started experimenting with meditation, nature, sound, breath, movement and community as medicine. I used play, journaling and creativity to feel what emerged. Anytime I felt something resonate, I shared it with my patients. Eventually, the discovery turned into my life and my inner voice led me to leave the old system to build a new one.
Tools and techniques like breath, mindfulness, journaling, sound, inner voice are simple, accessible to all and free. Remembering to tap into these gifts in the middle of the spiral, in the center of the chaos, that’s the magic. Return to yourself. Let’s go get the medicine inside.
The medicine has always been inside. All we have to do is create space, go in and get it.
Never thought I was meant to be a mama. Had one return to the stars in 2017 after a few months of pregnancy bliss. Then on a full moon, the day after our wedding celebration in the warm desert of El paso, we found out a soul had chosen us once again. I chose the natural route following my inner voice and babe's direction the entire time. Every day was filled with prenatal yoga, dancing, swimming, hiking in nature for miles, drank gallons of water and ate all the blueberries and queso I could get my hands on.. Listened to affirmations and went within at least 6 times a day.
My vision had always been to have the baby at our zen sanctuary of a home, with candles and music and the coziest vibes ever. At 32 weeks, I fell at McKinney park and she stuck herself right next to my heart, keeping her breeched and not budging. I kept my dreams of homebirth, but babe had other plans and I ended up with a c-section. Doc followed all my wishes down to playing our "Best Life" playlist.
She soared into the world on 11/22 at 11:22am as Two Hands by Townes Van Zandt played in the background and everyone danced in joy.
I lost myself to doubts, "experts", books, blogs and even my medical training that told me to mother a certain way. Breastfeed, co-sleep, no paci, swaddle, white noise, stay at home... you know the outside noise that we all listen to when we’re about to embark on a new adventure. One day, I threw it all away and just followed baby’s lead. Eventually, I remembered a happy mama is a happy baby and returned to going within for peace and wisdom. It was always there. I realized we could call in a village wherever we go and that has made all the difference.
Asking and receiving help. Prioritizing self-care and self-love. Making sure I connect with my hubby. Girlfriends and sound baths. Taking a beat or 10 when I need it. Finding what feels good and following my bliss. Continuing to remind myself that a grounded, fun, light, creative, love-filled life on the outside begins with me on the inside. Remembering that my life is a model on how my daughter will shape her world, so I pursue joy and magic and the trust that the universe always has our back. Mamas, you don't have to do this journey alone. Are you ready for this expansion too?